Updated: April 20, 2024

A few years ago the waters off Dubai were like a lovely warm bath. Swimming was a wonderful experience, at least for people who don’t enjoy having to break the ice before they dip a frozen toe in the dark and ominous English Channel. On Midsummer’s Day.

For some reason, the habit of going to the beach rather died away. Even the urging of bronzed beach-goddesses like Lola Lebcan didn’t raise its appeal. Maybe a sunset stroll to take photos of the Burj, once or twice a year. But no more sunbathing, and certainly no more swimming.

Perhaps it was the dredging for the Palms that ruined the oceans. Not just because it fouled up the water with sand and fine particles, but because it stopped them being an endless mystical stretch of water as far as the eye could see. Now the sea was just a sort of inlet or lake, a sad sandy pond. The real Gulf now started the other side of the World’s Biggest Man-Made Artificial Sand-Dredged Islands ™ all rights reserved to His Majesty’s Vision Inc ™.

Anyway we’ve had this latest story before, last year on the BBC in fact. But now The Times has picked up on the fact that Dubai isn’t quite the unspoilt virgin eco-Eden that Nakheel’s vast hordes of paid “ecologists” and assorted “environmental scientists” like to promote:

“A noxious tide of toilet paper, raw sewage and chemical waste has transformed Dubai’s most prestigious stretch of shoreline into a foul-smelling health hazard.

“A stretch of the exclusive Jumeirah Beach – a magnet for Western tourists and home to a string of hotels – has been closed. “It’s a cesspool. Our tests show too many E. coli to count. It’s like swimming in a toilet,” said Keith Mutch, the manager of the Offshore Sailing Club, which has posted warnings and been forced to cancel regattas. The pollution is a blow to Dubai’s reputation as an international holiday destination offering almost guaranteed sunshine and clear seas.”

The good news for Dubai is that the sort of tourists who flock in on cheap Emirates deals and hang around the Jumeirah Beach Hotel with their tattoos, guts and lycra on grim and sweaty display are probably not Times subscribers.

The bad news is that like everyone else in the world, they’re probably about to lose their jobs, homes and savings if they haven’t already. Meaning even a weekend in Weston-Super-Mud or Whitley Bay is going to be beyond the budget, let alone The Arabian Effluent Experience.

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